Love languages
Here's the deal, I'm going to post some of my "relationship advice" on the duh-sciple blog.
Maybe it's because my "baby brother," Matthew, got married this weekend. [Congratulations Matt and Joanna! I expect you two to have a beautiful, fruitful, and generous marriage.]
Maybe it's because our congregation is focusing on building relational bridges during the next five years.
At any rate, I'd like to share my "relational stuff", beginning with I've learned from Gary Chapman's book series on "love languages." I also encourage you to check out his website http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/ Here's a summary of what I have learned from Gary:
Overview
We all have a primary love language. That means that we have a particular way we prefer to give and to receive love. According to Chapman, there are five love languages. He says that some of us are fluent in just one language, but others are multi-lingual. So if you have a loved one in your life, and he or she speaks a different love language than you do, it is vital, essential that you learn his or her language. Otherwise, you may "love them" but he or she might not feel loved by you.
Love language #1= Words of affirmation
I love you.
Thank you.
You look great.
I think it's awesome you when you...
You are very talented at...
I appreciated it when you did...
Some of us need to hear words of love spoken to us. By the way, this is my primary love language. I need "verbal massages" to feel the love of others.
Love language #2= Quality time
I toss the football outside in the yard with my youngest, Jeremy. Or I take him to the Redskins game.
I take my daughter, Mary Beth, shopping for clothes, checking out all the malls. Or we hang out at home and watch a Netflix DVD together.
When CJ, my oldest, was little, I spent lots and lots of time reading to him, especially the winter of 1994 when we were snowed in for a week!
With my wife, Ann, it's just hanging out, talking, bike riding, and paying attention to just her- not the kids, not the church, not some other distraction.
Love language #3= Receiving gifts
I'm wondering if this might be my daughter, Mary Beth's, love language. Give a gift certificate to buy clothes- and she'll light up. When I take her out and if I buy her something I become the "good daddy." Perhaps this is a love language of many children.
Love language #4= Acts of service
When my wife, Ann, dropped Jeremy off for swimming practice she went to visit with her parents- a wonderful use of time while the practice is going on. One time- she dropped off a computer and is working on helping them to set it up. Another time she cleaned up some stains in the carpeting. Who knows what she'll do in future visits. The point is that she is doing small errands that add to her parents' quality of life. Her parents, by the way, are my all-time champions in performing "acts of service." They combine "acts " with "gifts" by preparing meals for family, friends, neighbors and church members. At any rate, I'm certain that they are feeling Ann's love for them.
Love language #5= Physical touch
This is how I express my love to Ann. She always dreamed of a husband who would give her back rubs. That's what she described as her primary matrimonial criteria! Through the years I've learned to do exactly that. I've tried to become the husband that she dreamed of. So I'll turn on the TV, pop in a tape, and give her a rub while we watch the movie together. If I'm watching something, the time passes quickly. Sometimes she'll fall asleep, completely relaxed. The point is this. I know this is her love language. This is how she needs to "hear it".
For married couples, of course, the gift of sex is a location where love is expressed. I hear that this is a pretty big love language for me [grin!]
For single people, safe, appropriate hugs is something that they need.
For children, snuggling next to them before bedtime might be important.
For teens, wrestling and rough-housing might be the physical contact that they crave.
Summary
What I try to teach families and couples and singles and children and teens and seniors is that we are to "love one another." Sometimes we are at a loss as to how to love one another.
In our culture we think of love as a feeling- something that you "fall into". Yet the Bible teaches that we are to love our enemies, and others, regardless of whether we "feel" loving or not. Gary Chapman's "love languages" concept teaches us how to love each other. And... he suggests that we become multi-lingual.
Then there's this. Love makes a difference. When we do love, the feelings of love follow. When we perform love, quite often love rebounds to us. Some of you know this "Tim-ism": Loved people, love people. The Bible says that "we love because he first loved us."
Finally, Chapman suggests that we love the unlovable. As I read the Bible, I see quite clearly that that is how God loves us. Not that we deserve it. Not that we've earned it. But that God loves us regardless. This Sunday's Gospel talks about a rich ruler who was unable to walk away from his wealth in order to follow Jesus. Mark says, "And Jesus loved him." He loved him anyway- even though the rich man's Master continued to be money rather than Jesus.
That's all, love ya'll... Duh-sciple Tim
Maybe it's because my "baby brother," Matthew, got married this weekend. [Congratulations Matt and Joanna! I expect you two to have a beautiful, fruitful, and generous marriage.]
Maybe it's because our congregation is focusing on building relational bridges during the next five years.
At any rate, I'd like to share my "relational stuff", beginning with I've learned from Gary Chapman's book series on "love languages." I also encourage you to check out his website http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/ Here's a summary of what I have learned from Gary:
Overview
We all have a primary love language. That means that we have a particular way we prefer to give and to receive love. According to Chapman, there are five love languages. He says that some of us are fluent in just one language, but others are multi-lingual. So if you have a loved one in your life, and he or she speaks a different love language than you do, it is vital, essential that you learn his or her language. Otherwise, you may "love them" but he or she might not feel loved by you.
Love language #1= Words of affirmation
I love you.
Thank you.
You look great.
I think it's awesome you when you...
You are very talented at...
I appreciated it when you did...
Some of us need to hear words of love spoken to us. By the way, this is my primary love language. I need "verbal massages" to feel the love of others.
Love language #2= Quality time
I toss the football outside in the yard with my youngest, Jeremy. Or I take him to the Redskins game.
I take my daughter, Mary Beth, shopping for clothes, checking out all the malls. Or we hang out at home and watch a Netflix DVD together.
When CJ, my oldest, was little, I spent lots and lots of time reading to him, especially the winter of 1994 when we were snowed in for a week!
With my wife, Ann, it's just hanging out, talking, bike riding, and paying attention to just her- not the kids, not the church, not some other distraction.
Love language #3= Receiving gifts
I'm wondering if this might be my daughter, Mary Beth's, love language. Give a gift certificate to buy clothes- and she'll light up. When I take her out and if I buy her something I become the "good daddy." Perhaps this is a love language of many children.
Love language #4= Acts of service
When my wife, Ann, dropped Jeremy off for swimming practice she went to visit with her parents- a wonderful use of time while the practice is going on. One time- she dropped off a computer and is working on helping them to set it up. Another time she cleaned up some stains in the carpeting. Who knows what she'll do in future visits. The point is that she is doing small errands that add to her parents' quality of life. Her parents, by the way, are my all-time champions in performing "acts of service." They combine "acts " with "gifts" by preparing meals for family, friends, neighbors and church members. At any rate, I'm certain that they are feeling Ann's love for them.
Love language #5= Physical touch
This is how I express my love to Ann. She always dreamed of a husband who would give her back rubs. That's what she described as her primary matrimonial criteria! Through the years I've learned to do exactly that. I've tried to become the husband that she dreamed of. So I'll turn on the TV, pop in a tape, and give her a rub while we watch the movie together. If I'm watching something, the time passes quickly. Sometimes she'll fall asleep, completely relaxed. The point is this. I know this is her love language. This is how she needs to "hear it".
For married couples, of course, the gift of sex is a location where love is expressed. I hear that this is a pretty big love language for me [grin!]
For single people, safe, appropriate hugs is something that they need.
For children, snuggling next to them before bedtime might be important.
For teens, wrestling and rough-housing might be the physical contact that they crave.
Summary
What I try to teach families and couples and singles and children and teens and seniors is that we are to "love one another." Sometimes we are at a loss as to how to love one another.
In our culture we think of love as a feeling- something that you "fall into". Yet the Bible teaches that we are to love our enemies, and others, regardless of whether we "feel" loving or not. Gary Chapman's "love languages" concept teaches us how to love each other. And... he suggests that we become multi-lingual.
Then there's this. Love makes a difference. When we do love, the feelings of love follow. When we perform love, quite often love rebounds to us. Some of you know this "Tim-ism": Loved people, love people. The Bible says that "we love because he first loved us."
Finally, Chapman suggests that we love the unlovable. As I read the Bible, I see quite clearly that that is how God loves us. Not that we deserve it. Not that we've earned it. But that God loves us regardless. This Sunday's Gospel talks about a rich ruler who was unable to walk away from his wealth in order to follow Jesus. Mark says, "And Jesus loved him." He loved him anyway- even though the rich man's Master continued to be money rather than Jesus.
That's all, love ya'll... Duh-sciple Tim
posted by Duh-sciple Tim at 12:31 PM
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